IC ANON MEME

[not_good_not_wicked]

No Eric, don't link that one mask. You know the one. The-



Goddammit. You had to go there.

This is the IN CHARACTER ANONYMOUS MEME

1. Leave a blank comment for your characters
2. Respond to other people's comments telling them what you think of them or asking them questions.
3. But do it, like, anonymously! Oooh!
4. I'll put up some general prompts too

Comments

[unghosting]

And I read those kinds of books once in a while. You know what I don't do? I don't have one night stands, or go out whoring, or stare at the waitresses in the pubs even when they wear low-cut blouses to get better tips, and just a couple of weeks ago a lovely pair of twins invited me home with them and I said no, and --

[He could keep going.]

[miraculo]

[ Aaaa, covering her ears. ] Of course you should say no to those twins--! You're in love with Bulat! [ Spilled the beans 'cause she's emotional. ] You can't go home with anyone or be reading all of those books-- because-- because you'd be... it'd be like being unfaithful to him! [ Suuuure, Sanae. Okay. ] Something like that-- when you're l...lonely, you should be with someone you love! Not be by yourself with a book of porn about ladies in waiting!

[unghosting]

I'm in love with like five people and he knows it and he reads them too!

[-- wait.]

I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH ANYBODY! [SCREECHING?!] I just -- I have -- dreadful fondnesses!

1/2

[miraculo]

That's...

[ He's........... So wait. He is cheating on Bulat?? Or-- or-- he's reading porn with five different people in mind? All of these people are reading it?? WHAT'S GOING ON-- ]

[miraculo]

---You have to get your life together.

[ SHE'S DONE, END CONVERSATION. She's going to write a crappy romance novel with Oz to show him what true love is like!! ]

[unghosting]

No shit!

[miraculo]

[ And I guess continued from this thread...

A few days later Sanae rings on his doorbell. DING DONG. ] Kevin~! [ Package for the perv!! ] Are you there? [ Fucking gross fuck. ] I have a present for you I think you'd really liiiike! [ She hopes it cures you of your disgusting porn habit! Etc. etc. etc.

Looks like her p/aness has festered these past three days. It's amazing she didn't buy him a bottle of crappy wine! ]

[unghosting]

[Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no, Kevin's not falling for that shit, not after three days of grinding his teeth about how everyone he loves is a piece of shit. He's home, but he's going to stay in his bedroom and glower at her from his window, hidden safely behind the curtains.

She can leave it on his doorstep and he will sneak down and fetch it when she has gone away. B( ]

1/3

[miraculo]

[ S... Seriously. ]

[miraculo]

[ Deep breath. ]

[miraculo]

Kevin, I'm going to knock this door down if you don't let me in--

[unghosting]

Are you sure you won't become corrupted the second you step over the threshold? After all, this house is a bastion of perversion and sin!

[...he knows he is going to regret this but he can't resist. This is the sort of crap that's going to result in a Rainsworth embedding a metal fan in his skull at least once a week.]

[miraculo]

[ SHE DOES HESITATE! THERE IS ACTUAL HESITATION! ] That... that may be so, but--

[ But then she knocks down the door with a blast of power because this has crossed over to omake and crack territory, so why not. As she does, she raises up the novel that's wrapped up in a bright pink ribbon. ] I have this! [ And it's positively glowing in her hand, dispelling whatever darkness is in this room. Handel's hallelujah chorus or equivalent is playing in the background. ] The solution to all of your woes-- a romance novel to end all romance novels!

[unghosting]

[There is a long pause. Then Kevin leans out from around the corner of the stairwell, giving her a look of immense suspicion. Oz has been conveniently missing for this entire time, okay, and all this random choral music screams of one of his stupid plots.]

...I'm not sure Miss Sanae understands the sort of woes one typically solves by way of romance novels.

[miraculo]

[ She blinks at him, that light and that music momentarily diminishing as she tries to figure out what he's saying and... nope. She doesn't get whatever he's implying. Unless he's implying heartache. ] ....This! [ The music turns back up, and so does the light. ]

This is a dear, treasured novel written by both me and Oz-- and... [ Making her way over to him. ] We'd like you to have it. We wrote it in order to... to help you. With your, um, you know...

This is what a real romance novel is like...! [ Extends it towards him! ] Read it, okay?

[unghosting]

[............................................................well, now he has to read it, so he knows exactly how and why to completely destroy Oz's entire existence.]

That's, ah. That's sweet of you.

[There are a lot of snide comments he could make here. To his credit, he does not make them. He just takes this "novel" and stares at it like she's just handed him a spinach cupcake with bacon cheddar frosting.]

[miraculo]

[ She beams. ] I... I hope you liked it! Oz and I worked really hard on it together allll night. [ A pause, a moment of silence for those nights they both toiled by the lamplight in her bedroom! Writing away! Throwing plot ideas at each other! And everything else! ] ...To come up with the best romance novel, we did everything we could together. [ She takes a step back, heading towards the door. ]

Ah-- when you finish it, I'll get someone to repair your door, okay? [ She's not even apologizing. She's just glad she's given him the book. After he reads it, then she can forgive him for being a perv!! ]

[unghosting]

...alright.

[Kevin waits until she is gone, barricades the door with various large pieces of furniture from the parlor, and ignores the novel for a solid twenty minutes. After his curiosity gets the better of him, however, he settles down to read the thing, and --

...finds himself engrossed in a train wreck of a romance novel involving thinly-veiled inserts for himself, Sanae, and Bulat. There's a lot of biting of cheeks and blooming of roses and other such things that are probably innuendos, it has words like "noirette" in it, and it ends with all three of them holding hands and skipping merrily through a field of flowers because everybody loves everybody else and they've all overcome their own personal darknesses ~*~together~*~. Because that's the power of ~*~love~*~.

The only thing that keeps him from dying of mortification is the fact that if he does he has to wait until he revives to kill Oz and that will give him a head start.

He spends about half an hour trying to sort out how to do it, pacing all over the house with Night on Bald Mountain blasting over his head, because that's Kevin's personal anxiety soundtrack. Eventually he decides that step one is going to be inflicting this monstrosity on the other major problem here and snaps up his amulet.]

BULAT. COME OVER HERE QUICKLY I AM DYING.

[steel_over_blood]

[ Bulat, naturally, takes this close to literally and WILD✰ROSE✿STAR✰HIGH✿ kicks down the door - YES within like a panel's worth of time and also through the barricade, this isn't canon and it is allowed. ]

What is it?! Someone else stab you this time, or...?

[unghosting]

[This is not even a surprise. Bulat is so reliable.]

Oz got Sanae to help him write terrible friendfiction! [He holds the novel out at arm's length and points at it accusingly.] It has words like "noirette" in it!

[...when he puts it like that it just sounds sort of funny, doesn't it? He must properly convey how dire the situation really is.]

-- and the you-character doesn't have a pompadour and they failed to include purple prose descriptions of every single bulging muscle! Your chest is in here and so are your biceps but they completely missed your calves and waistline.

[steel_over_blood]

[ This is arguably worse than stabbing! He doesn't wear a shirt that clings to every single outline of his abs and hips so people can just go ignoring them! WHAT HAVE WE DONE ]

If he doesn't have a pompadour, what does he have?

[ So many horrible possibilities. Mohawk. Ringlets. Bald. ]

[unghosting]

Long, sleek, glistening black hair down to his ass. It billows. I'm sure Oz is taking a swipe at somebody but damned if I know who.

[Spoilers: It's Gilbert. Oz doesn't not actually need anyone else to understand him in order to laugh like hell at his own jokes.]

Anyway you've got to read it. [Kevin thrusts (hurr hurr, thrusts) the book at him.] She's trying to cure me of my smut habit but Oz is just -- bah! Something must be done about him but I don't know what.

[steel_over_blood]

[ He's not sure whether to be supremely offended or to start growing his hair out starting now, he's about due for an image change! Anyway he does indeed have to read it, it can't be any worse than what his imagination might cook up. Midway through... ]

...This is a love triangle. With Sanae. And me. And your heart aching with longing for the sweet velvet touch of your angel's... teeth...?

[ It'd be wussing out if he set the book on fire instead of finishing it, and he would never live it down. ]

What's the end goal, here? If she's going to bite your head off and lay eggs in it as a cautionary tale, tell me before I get there.

[unghosting]

Nope.

[By this time, Kevin has laid down on the kitchen table and is angrily eating sugar cubes directly out of the bowl. Crunch, crunch, crunch. How did Oz know Kevin enjoys biting? He privately curses Xerxes Break for apparently having a stupid, flapping mouth. Unless that's another joke he doesn't get --]

The end goal is to save me from myself and my black, sordid mind. I think I'd like it better if she bit my head off.

[steel_over_blood]

Well! She's already done it metaphorically, hasn't she?

[ This is kind of funny since most of it is at Kevin's expense and the biting isn't what you'd think of as either chaste or wholesome and then -

groooooan you know what Bulat is going to take up residence under the table so he does not have to look Kevin in the eye, possibly for the rest of his life ]

He knows about the greenhouse, huh? Cunning little bastard, I figured we were discreet about it.

[ Flip, flip... OH dear it's illustrated, too. Yep. That sure is a lot of billowing going on. Bulat emerges to shove this particular page in Kevin's face. ]

Is your character wearing a dress or is that a very long coat from the back?