(it's hard, if he's being honest, for him not to think of dhurke's actions as just sending him away and forgetting about him. things only got worse in the time he was gone, proving that dhurke... might never have gotten a chance to ever return for apollo. the darkness in his heart always stings when he thinks of how things could've been, how happy they might have been if he stayed, how brighter the world could've been if dhurke just let him stay and help.

he keeps silent as nahyuta speaks, staying as such even longer after he's finished, his gaze more focused on the ground than anything else. he wishes he could understand, accept how things were, get rid of this stinging pain he feels at fourteen years without his father.

it's harder than he thought it would be, especially combined with the fact that dhurke only came back for him when it was all too late. when he was already gone for good from this world. he doesn't look up when he speaks again.) I... wish I could understand it. I want to accept that he did what he did for me, so I'd be okay. But... I can't. I don't know if I'll ever look back at his actions without thinking he abandoned me.

(and this is what will always sting, always make him flinch in pain at the very thought of it.) He didn't come for me until he was gone.